Deep Dive | Practice Makes Progress
Practice Makes Progress Series, Week 4
Month 2 of the Growing Tomorrow’s Leaders framework. This is where we stop talking about leadership and start actually building it.
Why This Principle Matters
One of my favorite testing grounds for leadership is in my Girl Scout troop. The Girl Scout mission—to build girls of courage, confidence, and character who make the world a better place—aligns perfectly with mine: creating better leaders for tomorrow. Recently, each girl in my troop has taken on the task of leading a meeting which includes earning a badge. She picks the badge, works through the requirements, then creates a plan to walk her friends and sister scouts through earning it together.
Last fall was our first attempt at this. The girls leaned heavily on their parents to help them through the planning, gathering materials, and ultimately leading the meeting itself. Some did an outstanding job and clearly have natural talent. Others were very shy and looked to Mom or Dad for constant guidance. But here’s what mattered: regardless of where each girl was in her leadership journey, each put forth her best effort. And each moved forward—collecting one more “I can do it” moment.
It was such a success that when we planned our spring semester, the troop unanimously wanted to lead a meeting again. I love this! This time, there’s a twist though. Mom and Dad are going to relax, and together the scout will plan her meeting while I support with questions and encouragement.
Clara took the first meeting last fall. She picked the “Playing the Past” badge, which meant choosing a famous female leader—she chose Cleopatra—and learning all about her life during ancient Egypt. We had lots of practice in the weeks leading to that night. We printed a script for her to follow because she was nervous about forgetting her words in the spotlight. And she practiced teaching her badge to me and her brother, who was all too eager to beat her at the board game Senate.
Ancient Egypt was a success with the troop. But it was more than that because Clara stepped up and led with confidence. Not perfect confidence. Not “I’ve got this all figured out” confidence. But the kind that comes from knowing “I’ve practiced this enough that I can handle whatever happens.”
That’s what Practice Makes Progress is really about.
Here’s the thing: very few people are born with natural leadership talent. And those who already have it will still need practice to harness it effectively. But what about the rest of us? What about the kids who aren’t front and center, or don’t yet know how powerful their voice can be?
The answer, as it so often is, is practice. Practice makes one confident. Practice makes one capable. Practice builds leaders.
Real leadership develops through doing, not just learning about it. Children need concrete experiences to build genuine capacity. The mess is the point—wobbles, mistakes, and imperfect attempts are essential data for developing leadership judgment. And here’s what most parenting advice gets wrong: you can’t coach what they haven’t tried.
This is where Practice Makes Progress and Be a Coach intersect. Without authentic practice opportunities, coaching is just theoretical advice. Without good coaching questions, practice is just activity. Together, they create the conditions for actual leadership development.
The Framework: What Practice Actually Builds
Let me be clear about what we’re building here. Practice Makes Progress isn’t about keeping kids busy with activities. It’s about creating authentic opportunities where they:
Take real responsibility - Not pretend leadership. Actual ownership where the outcome matters (to them, at minimum).
Face appropriate challenge - Hard enough to stretch them, manageable enough that they don’t completely shut down. This sweet spot is different for every kid.
Experience natural consequences - When things work, they see it. When things don’t work, they feel it. Not artificial consequences we impose, but the natural result of their choices.
Reflect with guidance - This is where coaching comes in. Experience alone isn’t enough. The transformation happens when you ask the right questions afterward.
Think about how children learn to ride bikes. You don’t lecture them about the physics of balance. You don’t show them videos of other kids riding bikes. You put them on the bike, run alongside them while they wobble, let go when they’re ready, and help them process what’s happening: “What did you notice when you started to tip? What helped you stay up?”
Leadership works exactly the same way. Clara didn’t become confident leading that Girl Scout meeting by watching videos about Cleopatra or listening to me explain how to teach a badge. She became confident by actually doing it—with scaffolding, with practice runs, with me asking coaching questions that helped her think through her approach.
What success looks like: Not perfection. Not that they never struggle. Success is developing genuine confidence—the quiet knowing that they can figure things out. They’re learning that leadership isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being willing to try, adjust, and keep going.
This connects to leadership development because real leaders aren’t created in classrooms. They’re forged in moments of actual responsibility where they practice making decisions, navigating complexity, and learning from what happens. Every wobble builds the steadiness they’ll need later.
What the Research Tells Us (Translated for Real Life)
Let’s talk about why this approach isn’t just intuitive—it’s backed by decades of research on how human beings actually develop capability.
The Learning Cycle That Actually Works
David Kolb spent his career studying how people learn complex skills. His experiential learning cycle shows that genuine learning happens through four stages: you do something concrete, you reflect on what happened, you form theories about what works, then you try again with your new understanding.
This isn’t theoretical. This is literally how your brain builds new capability. Children don’t learn to ride bikes by studying balance—they learn by getting on the bike, wobbling, noticing what happened, adjusting, and trying again.
Here’s what this looked like with Clara’s Girl Scout meeting: She taught the badge (concrete experience). Afterward, we talked through what worked and what felt hard (reflection). She realized that having a script helped her feel confident but she didn’t actually need it as much as she thought (conceptualization). Next time she leads? She’ll try a different approach based on what she learned (experimentation).
Without that reflection conversation—without the coaching questions—she’d have had an experience, but not necessarily learning.
The Long Game: What Happens 30 Years Later
Susan Murphy and Susan Johnson conducted longitudinal studies that should make every parent pay attention. They followed young people who had leadership opportunities in childhood and tracked them for decades. Their finding? Leadership opportunities provided in childhood predict leadership effectiveness 30+ years later.
But here’s the crucial distinction: these benefits only emerge when the leadership practice is authentic, not performative. Having your child give a speech to the mirror about leadership? Performative. Having them actually organize their soccer team’s fundraiser? Authentic. One teaches them to look like a leader. The other teaches them to be one.
Why Psychological Safety Makes or Breaks Everything
Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety changed how we understand high-performing teams. She found that the best teams aren’t those who avoid mistakes—they’re those where people feel safe making mistakes.
Why? Because psychological safety creates conditions where people engage in problem-solving, report errors (crucial for improvement), and innovate without fear of harsh judgment.
For our children, this means we need to create environments where they can try, mess up, reflect, and try again—knowing that our job is to help them learn, not to rescue or criticize. This is where coaching becomes essential. When you respond to their wobbly leadership attempts with curiosity (”What did you notice? What would you try differently?”) rather than judgment (”You should have done it this way”), you’re building the psychological safety that makes practice productive.
When the girls in my troop lead meetings this spring, some will nail it. Some won’t. My job isn’t to make sure every meeting goes perfectly. My job is to make sure every girl feels safe enough to try, supported enough to persist, and equipped with reflection questions that help them learn from whatever happens.
The Real-World Proof
A.B. Combs Elementary implemented something radical: instead of just teaching about leadership, they had students practice it daily. Students served as greeters, peer mentors, project coordinators. They had genuine authority and real responsibility.
The results? Academic performance improved. Behavioral issues decreased. Student confidence soared. These weren’t byproducts—they were direct results of leadership practice.
What happens without this approach: Children grow up consuming information about leadership but never developing actual capability. They become adults who can talk about what good leaders do but freeze when it’s their turn to step up.
What becomes possible with it: Children develop genuine confidence—not the false kind from being told they’re special, but the real kind that comes from knowing “I’ve done hard things before, and I can figure out hard things again.”
How This Actually Works at Different Ages
The principle stays the same across all ages—authentic practice builds capability. What changes is the complexity of the practice opportunities. Here’s how to implement this with children at different stages.
The Littles (3-6): Real Responsibility in Small Doses
The reality: They want autonomy desperately, but their prefrontal cortex is still under construction. They have big feelings with limited vocabulary. Your job is creating opportunities for real ownership within clear boundaries.
What practice looks like:
Leading family game night (they choose games, explain rules, make sure everyone’s having fun)
Teaching a younger sibling a skill they’ve mastered
Being fully responsible for one pet care task (feeding, water, brushing)
The coaching questions that matter:
“What do you think might happen if...?” (Building prediction)
“How did it feel when everyone had fun because of your idea?” (Connecting actions to outcomes)
“When things got tricky, what did you do?” (Reflecting on problem-solving)
Success markers: They try new things without complete meltdowns. They show awareness that their choices affect others. They can tell you (in simple terms) what happened when they were in charge.
The Middles (7-11): The Sweet Spot for Building Capability
The reality: Old enough for genuine responsibility, young enough that failure isn’t catastrophic. They’re developing social awareness but still need guidance reading group dynamics. This is prime time for practice.
What practice looks like:
Leading a family service project from research to execution
Organizing neighborhood kids for group activities
Teaching someone younger a skill over several weeks
Taking full ownership of a school group project role
The coaching questions that matter:
“What worked well? What would you do differently?” (Reflection)
“How do you think your leadership helped others succeed?” (Understanding impact)
“If you were advising a friend in the same spot, what would you say?” (External perspective)
“What surprised you most about leading that?” (Noticing unexpected learning)
This is where coaching becomes crucial. When Clara planned her Ancient Egypt meeting, I didn’t tell her what to do. I asked questions: “What do you think the girls will find most interesting about Cleopatra? How will you keep everyone engaged during the game? What’s your backup plan if someone gets confused?”
Those questions helped her think through her approach. When things got wobbly during planning (and they did), we didn’t panic. We reflected: “What’s making this hard? What’s one thing that would help?”
Success markers: They can organize and execute plans with minimal adult intervention. They adjust their approach based on how others respond. They persist through challenges without immediately giving up. They can reflect on their leadership with specific examples.
The Teens (12-16): Navigating Real Complexity
The reality: They can handle adult-level complexity but care deeply about social consequences. They’re testing boundaries and figuring out who they want to be as a leader. Your role shifts from teacher to coach—questions matter more than answers.
What practice looks like:
Formal leadership roles (student government, club leadership, team captain)
Community impact projects they design and execute
Regular mentoring of someone younger
Navigating peer disagreement while maintaining their vision
The coaching questions that matter:
“What kind of leader do you want to be in this situation?” (Identity)
“When people disagreed, how did you handle it?” (Conflict navigation)
“What did you learn about yourself when things didn’t go as planned?” (Self-awareness)
“How has leading others changed how you see yourself?” (Metacognition)
Notice what’s happening here: you’re not telling them what to do. You’re helping them think through their own approach. This is Be a Coach in action. Your questions help them process experience, form understanding, and develop their own leadership philosophy.
Success markers: They navigate disagreement without shutting down. They can articulate what kind of leader they want to be. They show resilience after setbacks. They’re starting to measure success by others’ growth, not just their own achievement.
Young Adults (17+): Your Job Is Becoming Obsolete (In the Best Way)
The reality: They’re facing real stakes with adult consequences. They need to own their leadership development journey. You’re transitioning from director to consultant.
What practice looks like:
Professional/academic leadership with real stakes
Building something from nothing (business, nonprofit, initiative)
Developing other leaders (not just mentoring one person)
Handling genuine professional complexity
The coaching questions that matter:
“What are your options? What’s the cost/benefit of each?” (Strategic thinking)
“How do you balance results with developing people?” (Mature leadership)
“What kind of leader are you becoming through this?” (Intentional development)
Success markers: They seek your input as a consultant, not as someone to fix problems. They can hold tension between competing priorities. They measure success by who they develop, not just what they achieve.
Getting Started This Month: The Practical Plan
Here’s how to actually implement this principle starting this week.
Step 1: Choose One Authentic Practice Opportunity
Don’t implement everything. Pick ONE age-appropriate activity that:
Gives them real ownership (not pretend responsibility)
Feels like a stretch but not overwhelming
Fits naturally into your current life
Has outcomes that matter (at least to them)
Maybe it’s your 8-year-old organizing this weekend’s family activity. Maybe your teenager coordinates the family’s volunteer day. Maybe your 5-year-old leads game night.
Step 2: Set Clear Boundaries, Then Get Out of the Way
Before they start, establish the non-negotiables. Safety first. Follow family values. Ask for help when stuck. But within those guardrails, they own the execution.
“You’re in charge of planning Saturday’s activity. It needs to include everyone and stay within our $30 budget. Other than that, you decide. What questions do you have?”
Step 3: Use Coaching Questions, Not Commands
This is where Be a Coach makes Practice Makes Progress actually work. When they struggle (and they will), resist the urge to tell them what to do. Ask instead:
“What do you think would work?”
“What’s one thing you could try?”
“How did that land? What did you notice?”
“What would you do differently next time?”
You’re not abandoning them. You’re creating space for them to build their own capability. If they’re genuinely stuck, you can offer scaffolding: “Would it help if we thought through this together?” But let them do the actual thinking.
Step 4: Build in Reflection (This Is Where Learning Happens)
After the leadership opportunity, have a brief reflection conversation. Not immediately—emotions need to settle. But within 24 hours, ask:
“How did it go? What are you most proud of?”
“What was hardest? How did you handle it?”
“What would you do differently next time?”
“How did your leadership help others?”
This transforms random experience into internalized learning. Without reflection, they had an experience. With reflection, they developed capability.
What You’re Looking For:
Good signs:
They’re engaged, even when challenged
They try different approaches when one doesn’t work
They think about others’ experience, not just their own
They’re willing to try again after setbacks
They can tell you what they learned
Red flags:
Complete shutdown when things get hard
Blaming everyone else for problems
Constantly asking you to do it for them
No learning visible from one attempt to the next
If you’re seeing red flags, the challenge might be too big. Scale it back. Practice requires appropriate challenge, not overwhelming difficulty.
How You Know It’s Working:
You won’t see dramatic overnight transformation. What you’ll notice:
They volunteer for leadership opportunities they’d have avoided before
They bounce back from disappointments more quickly
They show genuine confidence (not arrogance)
They’re developing their own problem-solving approaches
They believe they can figure things out
Remember: you’re building neural pathways, not checking boxes. Every wobble is building their balance. Your job is to create conditions for practice, ask questions that deepen learning, and believe in their capability even when they’re struggling.
Pick your one practice opportunity. Set your boundaries. Ask coaching questions instead of giving commands. Reflect together afterward.
You’re not just teaching your children about leadership. You’re giving them lived experience that builds genuine capability. That’s something no lecture can ever provide.
Take what resonates. Adapt what doesn’t. Trust your instincts. You know your child better than any framework ever could.
And remember: tomorrow is always a new day. If today’s practice didn’t go well, you get to try again tomorrow with better information. That’s the beautiful thing about practice—there’s always another opportunity to learn.
If this framework resonates and you want the complete Growing Tomorrow’s Leaders system across all ten principles, my book covers everything in depth. Get it here on Amazon.
Next week: The Permission to Wobble. Why psychological safety is the foundation for all genuine learning, and how to create it in your home.